Where is your energy? Do you put your energy in yourself or in others? Do you have enough energy for yourself?
For the longest time I would call myself an extrovert. I put so much energy into the people around me, hoping that it would be returned, and when it wasn’t I would find somebody else to invest in. I had begun a cycle of wanting energy from others, but not giving any to myself.
Energy is precious, and you can not give to others if you have none. There is no fulfillment in having to have others give you attention, and energy. You have to start doing it for yourself. In todays society is has become wrong to be selfish. To do things for yourself, to take care of yourself. Being selfish is not bad. Sometimes you have to be a little selfish in order to allow yourself room to grow, or in order to heal.
Let’s go back to authenticity (as it appears to be one of my favorite topics, ha!). I am constantly trying to find myself, and to discover who I am. It’s occurred to me that the reason it hasn’t been that easy is because I wasn’t spending enough time with myself, investing energy into things that make me happy, or that I purely enjoy doing. I’ve started to do things alone, and to try and learn what I like and don’t like. To invest energy in things I like that in return give me energy (reading for example), so that I do not find myself crashing and having a meltdown from exhaustion and self-hatred.
If you find yourself tired and sad, spend a little time with yourself. It’s scary if you aren’t used to it, and it’s hard to be alone with your thoughts at first – however eventually you will start to see that by not wasting your energy you are storing it in yourself. You are giving yourself the love and attention you crave. Once we can learn to be alone being with people will be so much better. There won’t be the desperation for love, for approval.
If you were wondering what the book I am reading is it’s Libba Bray’s “Before the Devil Breaks You.” It’s amazing – 1920s eerie gothic drama, mystery, murder. It delves heavily into the supernatural and occult. I honestly can not put it down (much like the other books I have read from her). I highly recommend it if you are looking for a new read!